a_shadow | Databurst IC Contact

[He looks at her, openly confused.]

I was?

[He swallows thickly. Fuck. Is there something else he doesn't remember?]

I don't... are you sure it was me?

[He shrugs.]

Yeah, stupid question... I mean-you would know, right...

It was a version of you, yes. We had people come in from different universes all the time.

[ She's apparently unperturbed by it. She shrugs. ]

You didn't have this body. You had a different one.

Anyway, ask me whatever you want to ask me about the emp or any of that because I've already worked it out with you once before.

Huh. Okay.

[That's actually really easy to accept. It's not like he hasn't dealt with it before.]

Sucks to be him.

[Priorities. Ragging on the alternate him is important. Clearly he's the superior him. Once that's out of his system he can focus on the actually important part.

He thinks about it for a minute. Where to even start...?]

Why didn't you tell me? Back in Gulch, you let me keep thinking I was a ghost.

[ She shakes her head slightly. ]

Because getting into one bit of it would have meant getting into the whole thing. And you were happy thinking you were human. I didn't want to shatter that.

Yeah, well. It made sense with... everything.

[With a whole life's worth of memories and a body to go with it.]

What about you? Did you always know? About being an AI.

[ At that she suddenly looks pained—and guilty. ]

No; no, I didn't.

[ She glances at her glass. He's going to want more of an explanation than that. She picks it up, takes a swig, and then grits her teeth as she sets it down. ]

I should have known, before I did, I think. But it took someone defecting and leaving me evidence of everything that was happening for me to realize it.

[He offers her a cinnamon bite before taking one for himself.]

Why would you have known? I mean, people don't usually just wake up one day and say: "Hey, maybe I'm not human."

[Who wants to be a calculator? He chews thoughtfully before asking his next question.]

Did they- I assume they gave you memories too.

[ She shakes her head a little, chewing on her cinnamon bite. ]

I think they took some. Otherwise they let me put my own pieces together.

[He gives her a short sardonic chuckle.]

pfft. Think I took care of that part on my own.

[He focuses on the beer in front of him.]

I remember growing up. Meeting you. A whole lifetime of memories.

[ Her response is quieter. ]

I know.

But Church...that wasn't you.

I know that! I'm not a fucking idiot!

[He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. When he speaks again, his voice is softer.]

I know.

[As tempted as he is to finish the beer, he picks up the coffee.]

How do you deal with it? Remembering things that never happened?

[ Her expression softens. ]

Well. I don't know that I handle it very well. I try to do what I can to fix things, but it hasn't worked.

I don't even know where my real memories start and the fake ones end.

[He knows it not a clean line. No solid division between truth and fiction.]

[ She looks him in the eye, then glances away. ]

I don't know how important it is to work that out, exactly.

[ A sip of coffee. ]

I will say that when I showed up in the Gulch and you were calling me your ex, that kind of surprised me. But I think that came from how I tried to rescue you—I told you we used to be together.

Maybe it isn't...

[He shrugs noncommittally. Aren't memories supposed to be an integral part of who you are?]

Well... I guess that technically counts?

[He gives her a wan smile.]

Yeah.

[ She ponders that, then sighs. ]

It was probably better that you thought that, anyway.

[ Her beer is almost empty; she lifts it and drains the dregs of the glass. ]

Probably.

[It does make him wonder what exactly they are to each other... if anything. But on the long list of things they should talk about, he's not sure he wants to broach that particularly awkward subject just yet.

He takes a deep breath and follows her lead in finishing his beer.]

What happened? When you tried to rescue me, I mean...

[ She frowns, remembering it. ]

You were just...shattered. You didn't remember anything about anything. I had to leave you behind.

I've been trying to figure out what my first real memory is.

[Where HE starts.]

I don't remember it.

[He doesn't know it, but that meeting was the catalyst for him attempting to recover/reconstruct whatever he could of himself.]

I doubt you'll be able to work it out, to be honest. I don't know when my real memories begin either. They...

[ She swallows. ]

...did something to my programming, so I didn't notice I wasn't eating or sleeping during the Project. But as soon as I found CT's evidence, it was obvious what was going on.

You mean they didn't... Oh...

[He looks at his hands awkwardly for a second.]

That's... seriously fucked up.

Nope.

[ She picks up the rest of her coffee to finish. ]

You're right about that.

They, uh... I had a body.

[ She doesn't respond to this, just looks at him with some confusion as she drinks a sip of the coffee. ]

When I said Caboose killed me...

[He swallows hard. With everything O'Malley had tried to do and the Meta, it feels super uncomfortable to talk about. But at the same time he wants her to understand. He doesn't want her to see him as some sad, broken, idiot who just decided to delusional.]

I don't know if it was a flash clone or a guy in a coma, or... something. But I had a body.

[God he hopes it was a flash clone.]

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