a_shadow | TFLN Responses

1. pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point

2. how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?

3. Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.

4. you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.

5. Text her!

Where did you get handcuffs?

Don't worry about it, I got the key too. That's what matters.

See, you say that and I'm not sure if I should be more worried, instead of less

Well, if it makes you feel any better, they're not out of the realm of what i could afford to buy

Surprisingly that isn't really helping.

They aren't those cheap fuzzy ones are they? Because I do happen to have limits you know.

Excuse me? Did you just imply I could only buy cheap ones?

Hey, I'm pretty sure that you implied that I'm cheap first.

I'm not talking about being a cheap date

I'm the cheapest date. Hands down.

Possibly involving handcuffs

Well, I don't mind not having to spend too much on you, I do have to admit

well there is a very serious difference between the two.
who is winning?

Me, of course. They're different because cupcakes are sweeter.

actually the difference is just the components that make it up, because you can do very sweet muffins.
but i respect the point.

Now don't you start too.

and who, my dear, is the baker?

I'm not your dear.

Are you saying you're a baker?

when I want to be.
which is frequently.

And I'd bet you don't use anywhere near the amount of sugar in a muffin than you use in a cupcake.

Edited 2020-07-24 00:29 (UTC)

Well that's just just logical.

Then they're nowhere near being the same thing

Why are we even arguing?

I have long since forgotten my dear.

Okay, but you need to stop calling me that

Ah, but that is what I call everyone. Maine growls.

Maybe that should clue you in to its inappropriateness

Come now, he growls when you call him Maine as well. The man likes to seem intimidating.

If I growled at you about it would you stop? Or do I have to actually beat your face in?

Oh dear. Threats will get you everywhere, Texas.

They will? So does that mean you'll stop?

Nope.

You're kinky

idk if I like knowing that

I really am, and you like it

Oh, I do, do I?

And how would you know that?

Because you would be acting on threats rather than threatening.

That's...a little too perceptive

Or am I that predictable

You've beaten up a lot of our team.

True enough

I've just been wise enough to stay out of the way so far. hard to believe but I'm talented like that.

1. You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

2. sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.

3. see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it

4. My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss

5. Text her!

1. Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?

2. I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

3. stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.

4. you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.

5. Text her!

It was a long day at the lab. The beers probably didn't help.

You have really comfortable boobs by the way.

I would hope so, they're all natural. I grew them myself.

And a damned good job you did of it too! A+

Sorry I passed out by the way. I'll make it up to you.

Do you realize that that is probably the best drunk idea either of us has ever had?

Possibly. There was the time we got Wash to pick up pizza for everyone because he had to work that night.

Literally the only thing I remember is how mad I was that he wouldn't let me drive.

It's a shame we didn't actually get to go. I would have ordered you the hash browns with jalapenos in them.

And I would've eaten them and it would've been glorious. Of all the words of mice and men, etc.

A fan of spicy things, hm? Maybe I'd get you some of that habanero-infused vodka.

Welcome.

I had no idea you could do that.

1. Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"

2. I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong

3. Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet

4. What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours. It's pretty much my favorite thing ever

5. Text her!

i'm going to assume it's something to do with dating church. I already know he's done time.

Excuse me? Who brought the word 'dating' up?

church did?

is he going to be punched now because i'm on board with that, honestly.

He's going to find himself in trouble, yeah

And I don't know anything about him doing time, either

we did time together. i thought we bonded! it turns out he is one cold motherfucker though.

[ Grif has fully ceased to be serious. ]

We're both talking about Leonard,
right?

oh my god is that his first name?
holy shit.

What, he didn't share his first name with his cell-mate?

no and it's hilarious.

Just don't go for the nerd joke, that one's too obvious

he's lenny now.

He's gonna love that

1. The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.

2. I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?

3. stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.

4. i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober

5. Text her!

Uh, you mean my fucking dream in life since I was like, 6?

Fuckin hell yes I'm in.

Oh good, I was hoping you'd say that.

You know, men and women were equals in Viking society.

You don't have to tell me. I mean, have you ever seen Scandanavian women?

I mean, aside from the models.

Either way, if any woman was gonna wield a sword and go charging into battle, it'd be you. So at least maybe I'll get some sweet food and loot out of it?

As long as you pull your weight during the pillaging.

1. He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but instead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.

2. She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle

3. I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.

4.We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why video was invented

5. Text her!

Edited 2018-09-21 19:07 (UTC)

Ah, romance. Honestly, that sounds more fun.

You mean the part where I threatened to rip his arms off if he burnt me?

Well, maybe not fun for him. But it'd get killer ratings. So it'd be fun for me.

1. He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job

2. he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.

3. Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.

4. You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final

5. Text her!

Edited 2018-01-20 00:44 (UTC)

Sometimes I wonder how York manages to stay so high ranked. But I find myself agreeing with you.

You know, I'd almost think they keep him at #3 just to make him feel better about his eye except that I've been told he actually was a genius with locks before the injury

He really was. And frankly, when he isn't up against you and Carolina, he can take down anyone on the team in a fist fight. He had a bad situation. I'm not even sure he could have taken the three on one if it had been him, Connie and Florida. They definitely take orders better.

Yet he can't hold his liquor. Pitiful.

Not everyone is my sister and thus capable of holding several gallons of alcohol.

He also cries more than I would have expected from a respectable soldier.

Being in touch with your emotions is important.

There's being in touch and then there's having it on speed dial

Are you suggesting that emotions are bad? Emotions are what make us human, Tex.

And I think it's charming.

Crying isn't charming. Your nose runs and you get phlem in your throat.

No, but crying over puppies you can't have is cute.

That's...fairly specific

Wash likes cats. York likes dogs. What can I say?

I like dogs. I don't cry because of them.

You don't love them like he does then.

What are we, having a contest?

No. It's just cute though.

The crying? You've got to be kidding me

The sentimentalitiy.

Do you cry at movies, North?

Yes. At times. I don’t feel shame about that.

Is it because no one can see you, or you're just like that

It's because I see no problem with being in touch with my sensitive side.

So in other words you're just like that

[ She liked her way of putting it better. ]

You're picking up on the lessons rather nicely there.

You're not really being vague at all. It's just I hoped better for you.

Vague can be fun. But mostly I just glad you're adapting to the insanity sometimes.

I suppose there's that.

We're glad to have you here, Tex. Well, most of us are.

I'm glad to hear most of you are sensible.

Who are the others?

If I told you that, would you try and get to know them? Or would you just ignore it?

I'd threaten them, probably

Exactly my point. That isn't how you make friends.

Guess that depends on what your goals are, though, right? Could be a new assassination technique.

((;D just happened to spot you while scrolling through!))

Yeah, but I wasn't exactly intending to give him a seizure

1. The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

2. hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win

3. I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.

4. just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

5. Text her!

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

You're not getting another 40 minutes out of this one either.

[ Shit. She'd known she should have double-checked the number before firing off a bunch of messages. ]

Well. It is true that we went too long without you eating me out before that happened.

[Might have been a good idea.]

Yeah and what happened this time?

Our units tackled a special mission together and he just about saved my life.

[ Plus he was smoking hot. ]

So you decided to pay him back by fucking him...

[Real fucking classy.]

You've never been in a life-or-death situation to understand

YOU'RE GOD DAMNED RIGHT I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND!!

[He takes a few minutes to calm down.]

So explain it to me.

You bond when you're in that kind of situation. It makes it so you'll do anything in gratitude.

Gratitude. Right.

Do you even stop to think about us? Does it matter?

[ There's a gap before there's a response. ]

Of course it matters

It matters enough that you do it behind my back. But not enough to not do it at all.

So what now? Am I just supposed to be okay with this being a thing that happens?

Because I'm not.

I really don't mean to hurt you. It's just harder being apart.

[ Not that this particular occasion actually occurred when they were apart. ]

I get lonely and horny too you know. But I don't go out and hook up with one of my buddies or anything.

[It's not like he hasn't been temped, though.]

Yeah, you know better.

[ Jealousy will rear its head, even in a conversation about her wrongdoings. ]

How would you know if I did though?

[He hasn't, but making a jealous... well, serves her right.]

That better not be an admission.

You think I'd be that stupid?

[Not specifying if that's 'stupid enough to cheat' or 'stupid enough to actually admit to it'.]

Honestly? Sometimes, you astound me.

[ But that's beside the point. ]

I didn't mean for it to happen, okay?

Hey, intelligence and common sense are two totally different things.

[He takes a while to answer the second part.]

yeah

sure

Church, come on. Don't make me say things I'll regret.

Then don't. It's fine.

Can't fucking change it.

I know.

So what now then?

[Because he really doesn't know right now.]

Trying to do better. Maybe getting together in person to talk about it.

[ Not that she relishes that if he's going to be confrontational about it. ]

When are you coming back this way?

[When isn't he confrontational? But, he'll have time to either calm down or stew... or both. Both is always an option.]

I haven't left town yet. It'll be 6 months after that.

[ No wonder she cheats. Not that this occasion had any excuse for it. ]

You haven't left yet?

[No wonder he feels like he has to confront her. How the fuck else is he ever going to know shit?]

I was going to hang around town for a bit after I saw you last, yeah.

Don't be mad.

Seriously? "Don't be mad."

Fuck you.

Fucking asshole. I only did it that way because you're so fucking clingy. I wouldn't have had a chance to hang out with any of my friends if I'd told you when I was leaving.

Maybe because "hanging out" is actually "banging them in a cheap hotel room". Bitch

Look, asshole.

I told you not to make me say things and you seem to be trying to make me anyway.

That's fucking rude.

Fucking rude is not even waiting until you're off planet to cheat on me.!

Fucking rude is making me think you were having some hot and heavy post battle celebration sex. And really you're practically in the same goddamn neighborhood.

Fucking rude is trying to make me the bad guy for being pissed off about it

[ She knows she's guilty of all these things. But that doesn't make her repentant. But it does make her lash out. ]

Look. I'm leaving tomorrow. If I don't see you before then, you'll never hear from me again.

Maybe that's exactly what you'd like, I don't know.

Fine

[Ugh... maybe it is? Maybe it would be the best thing for both of them? Maybe she's bluffing and after the six months they'll have both cooled down enough to try again... maybe... fuck.]

Where do you want to meet? I can't just wander onto base and ask for you.

[Because he can't call a bluff like that. Because it might not be a bluff at all. And as pissed off as he is, he doesn't want to take the chance.]

I'll come over, just give me a few.

[ Continued here. ]

1. you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.

2. you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved

3. I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.

4. There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.

5. Text her!

Well those definitely get in the way of a good tie me up and spank me evening.

...although it really doesn't help when you go and put things that way

Oh dear, have I displeased you? Well, that's an emotion. Get that out of the way.

We can fuck it out next time

See, very practical response to life.

There's not much that that can't solve.

One might even say it's human nature.

I don't know about that.

It's in my nature, though.

Well, it's a nature I applaud then

1. No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.

2. I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically

3. he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

4. new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

5. Text her!

So. He taped pillows to himself.

more like he got various sized pillows from the store and sewed the edges together

like, this was something with actual effort put into it

... and why was he falling?

You know, I don't think he ever actually fell

This is a story of being prepared for something that wasn't even necessary

That’s a first.

Actually it's not. So.

1. I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.

2. I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.

3. If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.

4. you know that annoying guy at HQ? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to this briefing.

5. Text her!

You mentioned not remembering your relationships during our latest counseling session. Are you uncovering new memories?

I'm speaking on principle

Of course. I, for one, agree with your statement. We can earn and learn something from every relationship.

By then it's not a 'relationship' anymore but yes

Technically, you are correct, but I believe that making them regret parting ways with you opens the territory for more interesting scenarios, especially with specifying that you only want to commit to the sexual dynamic. Teasing is crucial.

Counselor, I had no idea you were into that kind of dynamic. I'm seeing you in a whole new light now

You flatter me, Agent Texas; and yes, teasing is a fine art. When Agent Washington was confronted with the possibility of me doing anything with the...Interesting information I found about him and accepted to join the project? That was peak teasing on my part.

...did you just admit to being interested in Washington?

Agent Washington simply provided the opportunity to set up such situation. We all should work with what we have, he has quite the fascinating mind. I personally prefer to engage with elderly or at least older individuals but I can appreciate young people when they present interesting scenarios where I can find equally interesting tools to use.

You're not raising my confidence in deciding to confide in you, just saying

Now now, don't you think that it would be inconvenient of me to depict myself in such way if I aimed to be dishonest?

That's true.

[ Just let her stew with that for a minute. ]

Still. I feel like you just told me you're into bloodplay, or something

Would it reassure you if I didn't disclose my affinity with bloodplay, then?

Your affinity or lack thereof

Right. Plus, even when I prescribe medication to agents, it is not me who performs the blood tests. I am only in charge to supervise when it comes to that, and to make sure we have a steady supply.

[So that I can finally have my midnight snack.]

Right...

Anyway the whole thing with the ex was a hypothetical.

I'm sure it was. Shame, I suppose, that in this ship it is not exactly easy to organize reunions of this kind.

It's for the best. He's an ex for a reason, after all

Agreed.

[Takes notes]

Thank you for this enlightenig conversation.

Edited 2020-08-01 05:58 (UTC)

Sure. Just make sure this scenario doesn't end up in a textbook or something.

Of course. That would be very inconsiderate. Besides, the phenomena of having intercourse with an ex partner has been amply discussed by so many that it hardly needs me to include it in a textbook.

I was thinking more as a function of the psyche of a military agent or whatever, but good.

Oh, I see! I too have, on several occasions, gone on mission to gather the...Intel that we are discussing right now.

Oh.

I'm not sure I like that any better.

That is alright. Many people tend to feel uncomfortable when an authority figure gives information other than an order. It is a common belief among inexperienced soldiers that this is the best way to show compliance.

Are you calling me inexperienced? I've lost track of what we're talking about

Of course not, Agent Texas. Of all the agents we have, you are the last person we can refer to as inexperienced. After all, the Director has put you on number one spot for a reason.

Yeah, you'd better remember that, too

Of course. The Director likes to constantly remind me of it.

Does he?

Does he actually talk about me a lot?

As he should. You are the most valuable asset to our team.

Yeah, it's just kind of...weird. Like, he already spends tons of time with me as it is.

The Director's time is very precious. He cannot dedicate it to everyone, which is why he has to be selective. Him spending plenty of time with you means he's willing to give you more assignments, which means you are doing your job correctly.

That's good to know.

It's just weird. You'd think that he'd put some effort into making sure everyone else improves, too.

Oh, he does. He just happens to use different methods for different people, because everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Besides, this is what I am here for, covering the areas which he is not able to handle alone.

I suppose that makes sense.

What do you do when you're not covering his mistakes, I wonder?

Nothing much, I must admit. I hardly ever get free time.

That was a pretty good burn

I wonder what kind of trouble you'd be in if you repeated it to him

My previous message was not meant to be a 'burn'. It was a factual statement completely unrelated to my opinion of the Director's ability on the job. I assure you I respect and admire my superiors.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't know you were a kiss-ass

I am sorry to hear that you view obedience as a negative trait. We will grant you some more time to dedicate to recreational activities to boost your morale, if needed.

Sure. Don't think I don't see through what you're doing, though

I am sorry, Agent Texas, I have no idea what you are referring to.

Of course not.

I just know I have privileges the others don't.

We believe that privileges are earned. You have proven yourself.

Good.

Indeed.

Seriously? What the fuck are you going to do with a blowtorch?

Wait. Don't answer that.

Leonard

I bought it because it was expensive

That doesn't mean I have plans

It's an expensive blowtorch. Wonderful.

That just makes it so much better.

It's fancy as fuck

I'm going to fix so many broken engines and stuff with this thing

That sounds suspiciously like a plan.

It's not a specific plan.

My first plan is to work on getting the credit card charge paid off because whoof

Plan-ish then.

Is it really that bad? How expensive can a blowtorch be?

I mean, okay, technically it's a welding torch. And it came with a lot of accessories.

A welding torch?

You know how to weld? How did I not know you can weld?

Edited 2020-07-31 22:10 (UTC)

Well, I learn new skills all the time. Also, it can be used as a regular blow torch too

Multifunctional. Sounds handy.

I like a girl with hobbies.

Especially since I can actually make money in the long run fixing people's cars

So you're a hot, ass kicker, with hobbies AND independently wealthy? I just might swoon over here.

So do I have to pick up this impulse buy, or is it going to suddenly show up on the doorstep?

It's being delivered

Someone has to be home to sign for it

Do you have a tracking number?

I can't just hang out until it comes in.

What do you mean you can't hang out until it comes in?

[ Nevertheless, she forwards the tracking number. ]

I mean I'm busy. I know it might be a surprise, but I do still have a life when you aren't here.

If it gets stolen I'm holding you responsible.

[ He does have the tracking number now; he should be able to figure out a way to be there at the right time. ]

It's not going to get stolen. That's what the damn tracking number you gave me is for.

You were starting to give the impression you didn't know that

Oh was I?

Here I thought you might be a little upset that I don't just pine away while you're gone.

Sure, that too

[ Now she's joking, though she's left no indication of that ]

If it makes you feel any better... I do manage to find a little time in my busy schedule for a bit of pining.

Do you cry into your beer while you're at it?

Preferably while in a pickup truck.

Are you working on writing a country song or something?

I figured I should keep it thematically on point. I just need to find someone with a dog I can borrow.

The poor dog. You really want to make it listen to you boo-hooing all night?

If I have to suffer I'll at least have something to suffer along with me.

I hear dogs can be very comforting. All that stupid unconditional love shit.

Yeah, I don't know anybody like that in real life

[It takes a moment for that implication to sink in.]

Oh shut up.

Don't worry. It can be endearing sometimes.

You better not expect me to heel or fetch or beg or some shit like that. Or I'm out.

[The emptiest of empty threats. She's more than capable of making him beg and he's been more than willing to do so.]

So you think I'm endearing?

1. I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8

2. Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas

3. This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in a briefing and looked at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be

4. If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my basebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone

5. Text her!

Negotiated, or threatened?

Hey, I am an excellent haggler

Though I won't say the knife strapped to my thigh wasn't showing under my skirt because it was

[So she was haggling, hot, AND scary. Damn deadly combination.]

Alright. I'm in once I find our wayward chicks of friends and wrangle them over.

Good.

You better get here before York drops the tray, though. He keeps brandishing it like he was the one who did the haggling or something.

Remind him about the knife maybe?

pretty sure that's how every CO i've had looked at me during briefings

just because I texted you about it doesn't mean you weren't included

well then i'm sure you'll be very proud to hear that my mother had my court martial record framed and hung in the family room

I don't know whether that says more about you or about your family tbh

though there is that whole expression about apples and trees

i actually have no idea. never heard from my family after my court-martial. they might think i'm dead? i like my version better though

better than thinking they just ghosted you

I will believe with you

1. I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle

2. I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS

3. The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome

4. Next time you're in town we should fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.

5. Text her!

are you texting me to gloat because I had to stay back this time? Also who was it? Unless it's my brother and then I don't want to hear it.

Edited 2025-08-01 05:28 (UTC)

wait, does your brother do work as a lifeguard

what a nerd

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I love how your reaction to this prompt was to correctly guess who I meant for it to be about

come on, it's Churby, guess wasn't even needed

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